Shiver me timbers, there be scurvy dogs off the port bow!

Argh, me maties! It be “Talk Like A Pirate Day!” Keepin’ me self true to da Pirate Code, I be doing my best to bring the news to the scurvy masses!

“He’s done. He’s through. … He will now go down in history…as an ineffectual leader. And I’ll tell you the reason why, it’s poor leadership on his part. The people that he picked to run certain things have been disastrous. And no leadership and now Americans are getting hurt.” – Bill O’Reilly

Blimey! You would’na expect that bilge-sucking dog could actually turn on his fellow bretheren… but when your Cap’n is pillaging your own land and sending everything to Davy Jones’ locker, sometimes you’ve just got to tell the truth.

So why is that addled McCain looking to start a fight with Spain? Is he after their doubloons? Nay…methinks it be about Iraq, me buckos. That President Zapatero withdrew his men from Iraq soon after his Socialist crew took power in 2004, and in a surge of anti-war sentiment, they told Bush to scupper it… which didn’t make Bush none to happy, I tells you. Aye, McCain gives “petty officer” a whole new meaning as he cow-tows and licks the boots clean of his Cap’n.

Oi, there be McCain going on again, lying about that landlubber Obama’s tax plan. Shouldn’t ye a be telling us how you‘re going to fix things, instead of pointing your cutlass at somebody else?

Where be that shark bait Cap’n, anyway?

House Minority Leader John Boehner (R-OH) had been planning to hold a meeting on the economic crisis today. However, his conference was forced to cancel it when the Bush administration reportedly “refused” to send over a representative to “brief House Republicans on the federal government’s response to the latest financial turmoil.” Boehner said he was “concerned about the lack of information and the lack of consultation that has occurred.” Earlier this week, the White House also canceled press coverage of Bush’s meeting with his chief financial advisory group.

If’n we never see im’ or hear im’, then we can’t keelhaul im’, eh?

Begad! What be those loony GOP thinking? They’re a sending the scurviest addled bilge-sucking landlubber they can find, George “Macacca” Allen, as their featured speaker that’s supposed to be a reaching out to the minorities. The GOP like to reach out and slap their crew with belaying pins, methinks.

That landlubbing poxy lassie Sarah Palin be at it again, me maties… spreading the lies like she’s buttering bread:

• She says she took a cut in her share of the booty, but she actually gave herself more.
• She says she killed the “Bridge to Nowhere,” when she actually just went a long with her crew when they were about to mutiny for her support of it, fully supported the “Road to Nowhere,” and hid away her bastard offspring, “The Bridge to Nowhere II.”
• When suggesting an “oil export ban,” she be addled and confusing, hurting the brains of many who be a listening to the lassie.
• She be sounding like her mentor, Dick Cheney, and refuses to say whether she be a part of the Executive Branch or not.
• And then, after that addled blaggard McCain leaves the rally, the poxy lass done be calling it her administration! Mayhaps McCain should maroon her on a slab of the Arctic permafrost that be breaking off, and she can be administratin’ that!

Better be makin’ sure that piece of ice don’t be belonging to dem Russians, though… those buckaneers have the Arctic in their deadlights, and they plan on a pilaging it.

Where be Lady Justice? – Former top DOJ officials emerge in Abramoff corruption scandal – Perhaps the Department of Justice needs to be seeing how we handle justice aboard our ship, eh? I’ve got a short plank they can take a long walk off of as they head to the briney deep. And now it looks like that page-molesting bilge-sucking scum, Mark Foley, is going to get off scott free after a “lengthy investigation.” Methinks he needs to be marooned on a cannibal infested isle, and those “federal officials” who did the investigation can walk the plank with him.

MTV Cuts Down Rainforest For Reality Show » And you be a callin’ yourself “Green” and “Enviromentally friendly?” Avast, methinks you be full of bilge and need to be a kissing the gunner’s daughter!

Jerry Seinfeld And Bill Gates’ Microsoft Ads Being Pulled – That is a relief to my brainpan, me buckos… their ads nae being making any sense, aren’t very funny, and have nothing to do with selling their booty.

Avast, ye! What be this? The Hitchiker’s Guide to the Galaxy is to continue with a new author? Nae! What brainpan addled swab be deciding this? Diddna’ the story end? Do we needs to be making Douglas Adams roll in his grave even more?

Children’s author Eoin Colfer is to write a sixth novel in the “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” series, seven years after the death of its creator Douglas Adams, publishers Penguin said on Wednesday.

The Irish writer, best known for his Artemis Fowl fairy stories, has the blessing of Adams’ widow, Jane Belson, to continue the bestselling science fiction saga.

Aye, we all know what happed to the Star Trek after Gene Roddenberry kicked the bucket… methinks the Hitchiker’s series will soon be following off the plank.

God speed, me buckos, and may ye be having fair winds at your back as ye sail the turbulent seas.